A best friend. It doesn’t matter if it’s your cat, your dad or the photobooth on your Mac. You need someone who can be there at 3 AM post-breakup on your floor with you and won’t judge you for the clumps of soggy Dior Show running down your face or the 750 ml of citrus vodka in your hand.
A pair of pants you know will never fail you.
A confident laugh. Laughing is audible happiness and when you laugh you’re telling the universe you’re happy. So I don’t care if you sound like a horny Martin Short, you take that laugh and you own it, girl.
An arsenal of icebreaker questions.
The strength to cry in public.
The strength to kiss in public.
A travel bucket list. Sure, you may never actually make it to Fiji but dreaming about beautiful places makes your soul just a little more beautiful.
Cashmere. Or as I like to call it, “Jesus skin.”
A favorite type of wine. Red, white, whatever. You will be at a fancy sit-down dinner at some point in your life and ordering a vodka tonic won’t cut it. And no one wants to sit by the loser drinking water.
A list of at least three major things you want to accomplish in the next five years.
An eyebrow-waxer you know will never make you look like Rupaul on his days off.
An open mind.
A pair of nude pumps. These babies extend your legs like little champions.
A vase for flowers. In the chance you start dating a real man, he’ll bring you flowers. Because a real man buys his lady flowers. And you don’t want them ruined by an Evian bottle or your toothbrush cup.
At least two recipes you’ve mastered–one sweet and one salty.
The courage to call it quits.
The courage to start over.
A good bed so you can wake up feeling like the mothafucking fairytale princess you are.
The perfect outfit for when you want to go out and feel like a total slut. Keyword here is “feel.”
A sense of humor that’s 15% self-deprecating, 60% pure golden wit, 15% sarcasm, 5% Republican-friendly, and 5% cruelty that’s kept on standby for when a d-bag at a bar insults your friend.
One solid yo mama joke. Just trust me on this one.
A female role model. And no, Kim Kardashian will never count. She really just shouldn’t count in life but…